Rape is never funny.

Telephone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Is this John Cotter?"

"Speaking."

"We have your kid, Mr. Cotter. Now you will listen very carefully, we don't want police involved in this, got that? If you contact anyone, he dies. We want $10,000. Deliver this and we return him unharmed, make it $15,000 and we won't rape him."

"Wait, how will he be unharmed if you rape him?"

"What?"

"You said ten thousand - he's unharmed, fifteen thousand - he's not raped. How are you gonna rape him without hurting him?"

"We're gentle rapists."

"Oh, well..."

"Hold on a minute, are you more concerned about about him being raped or the cost of this whole rape process?"

"There's a rape process?"

"Yes."

"I just wanted clarification is all. Usually when I think rape I'm thinking violence is involved."

"Well, that's not completely true, there's date rape, for one, where the victim's unconscious and then there's acquaintance rape where there's little struggle because the victim knows the rapist. Not all rape requires physical violence usually just the threat of violence is enough for compliance. "

"Oh, okay, you seem to know a lot about rape."

"Shouldn't you be more concerned about the welfare of your son, Mr. Cotter?"

"Well, yeah, but you made that statement about the rape and stuff and I had some questions about it."

"No more questions! You are in no position to negotiate here. We want 15,000 in three days or we will rape your son and send you pictures and a video of it and put it all on the internet."

"Will I only have to pay ten thousand then?"

"What?"

"If you rape him, it's ten thousand then. If I can't pay you 15 thousand in three days you rape him, earlier you said 10 thousand unharmed, 15 thousand unraped. So if you rape him, it's 10,000."

"Look, we didn't think you'd consider the whole rape thing an option in this, we really want $15,000, so..."

"Well, I don't have 15,000, so I'm trying to figure out what I can do here. I'm thinking, yeah, the raping would suck, but he'd live so I'd rather him unharmed."

"Hold on, is this the John Cotter of Cotter Industries?"

"Nah, this John Cotter works at the factory mill."

"Oh! Oh my god, we're so sorry, we must have the wrong number. Did you say 'factory mill'? What's a factory mill?"

"It's a factory where we make mills."

"Shouldn't that be a mill factory?"

"I don't know, anyways, that's alright about the mishap, I figured you had the wrong guy, I don't actually have a son."

"But you have ten thousand dollars?"

"I might."

"Do you maybe wanna buy this kid off us for ten grand?"

"You already raped him, didn't 'cha?"

"Maybe."

"Then no."

Hangs up the phone.